What To Do
by Daily News
Summary: Lily wasn't sure what to do about him. L/J oneshot


Hope you enjoy. - E.

Lily felt tears well up in her eyes. They tried to force their way out but she pushed them back as long as she could. When they finally did begin to fall she made sure that no one could see them. She made sure _he_ couldn't see them.

It was only the two of them down in the dungeons fulfilling the requirements of their detention. A storage room that had not been looked at in years was in need of some desperate reorganizing and they were the lucky two who got the job. Normally, Lily wouldn't mind putting her organizational skills to good work as she actually found the task of cleaning to be very calming. This time she wasn't volunteering her skill set though, but paying her dues because one boy couldn't follow the rules.

The very thought of the disappointed look on Professor Slughorn's face had guilt building up in her chest and tightening swiftly around her lungs. Her guilt however, was just a side effect of what she was really feeling and she knew it.

Lily hid her face as best she could as she stepped onto a chair to reach for the containers filled with questionable content on the very top shelf of a book case. She could barely reach it, her finger tips only grazing the dusty old jars. She tried to ignore the fact that the crashing of objects had stopped behind her for the first time in twenty minutes. James' understanding of cleaning a room was to push objects from one end to another with as little grace as possible. He didn't seem very upset by the whole ordeal, but he knew she was so he kept his mouth shut and worked on his side of the room waiting for her to make the first move. Her pathetic attempts to grab whatever it was on the top shelf however ended the quiet stale mate.

"Lily let me get those."

"No."

She stretched further, pushing the jars around but not in any direction that woul dbe helpful to her.

"Seriously Lily, you might fall."

"I can do this. Mind your side of the room."

Lily readjusted herself on the chair and tried again. Just as her hands made their way around the jar she saw the object begin to lift itself off of the shelf. She felt a new wave of tears rise up.

"Put it down, James."

"This way no one gets hurt."

She felt a headache begin near her temples.

"Put it back. We can't use magic while we are in detention."

"It's just one jar."

Anger pulsed through her veins. Tears or no tears, she couldn't stop herself. She twisted sharply around and confronted him.

"Why can't you follow the rules just one time?"

Then the chair tipped and she was on her way down to the ground. Her hands thrusted forward to catch herself when she felt James grab ahold of her shoulders and steady her. She grabbed the back of the chair and stepped down with her heart pounding in her chest.

"I'm sorry. I really was only trying to help."

She refused to look at him and only nodded her understanding. Nobody moved. She could feel his eyes on her. Even with her heart racing from near falls and angry outbursts, she wasn't able to dismiss the growing self-consciousness in her gut. He could see her cheeks and knew she was crying. Everything about this was wrong.

This year had started out well. Her final year at Hogwarts had been the beginning of a peaceful and a promising (yet tentative) friendship with James Potter which had started to form out of no where. He had been nice and she was going to give him the benefit of the doubt. Her friends and his friends occasionally sat next to each other in the Great Hall or at Quidditch games. Everyone had seemed to mature on both sides and grudges were forgotten or worked through. Lily had been happy knowing that her final year would be a relaxing one. She had been wrong, but not in the way she had expected to be wrong.

She looked up at his face and it was beautiful. He had grown up the way that he had been expected too, tall, broad, and intelligent. That mixed with his new attitude this year made him almost the perfect boy. She closed her eyes to remove the thought of him from her mind and turned around trying to create distance between them. She knelt down to open another cabinet and continued with her work.

"Lily. I mean that. I was only trying to help."

She knew he wasn't talking about using magic. She also knew that she was being ungrateful, but everything felt as if it was just too much.

Too many emotions were running through her mind and the events of the day did not help the confusion that she was festering, it tugged at her every which way.

She had received a letter from her sister, all bad news of course, earlier in the day. The house was being mortgaged a third time, there was a reminder of how much her lifestyle disgusted her sister, and how the family cat had died. Just enough news to push her over the edge. One: what could she do about her parents financial troubles when she graduates? Get a job and pay the bank with sickles? Two: she would never have the relationship with her sister that sisters should have. And three: well that was just emotionally draining.

James had stumbled upon her sitting on a window ledge in a back corridor that she liked to frequent because of the views. It was the best place to read books and letters, and it wasn't the place to do the work she spent most of her time on. She had hoped, like she had hoped when she received any letter from her family, that it would be news that she could laugh at or smile about, but however much she wished it never seemed to be the case, and this letter was worse than normal. She had been crying and he stopped and starred at her. Lily had been too worn down from the week of testing to handle the news well enough to cover her tears. She had let him console her.

She explained through sobs about her troubles and he had listened. It was perfect catharsis when she let everything out and he did nothing but put his arm around her and let her speak.

When the tears had stopped and she had begun apologizing for her behavior he had only smiled and took her hand. He began to take her down the steps farther and farther until they reached the dungeons. Lily couldn't help herself from smiling as she let him lead her through the passages and back corridors until they finally came to a stop in a section of the castle she had never seen before. He looked at her with a twinkle in his eye and her breathe had caught. He was indescribable.

James fumbled around the wall until he finally hit the right stone and a small door opened. James reached his hand into the tiny crawl space and pulled out a few butterbeers and a bottle of fire whiskey.

Lily was stunned but was unable to help herself when laughter bubbled upwards.

"James, class starts in twenty minutes. I don't intend to go there off my face."

His smile only got wider.

"My dear Lily, I don't intend to allow you to go to class today. We will drink to your friend's memory and drink to remind ourselves how lucky we are to be here today."

Lily didn't like drinking very much, but the sentiment touched her. She had never had someone who would spend the day skipping class to make her feel better. She had no reason to say no. She had never skipped class in all her years here and today seemed like the day to break the chain.

They found their way outside. It was a beautiful day, too beautiful to spend inside she concluded. They found a nice spot near the lake, out of site from castle view, and sat, drank, and talked the afternoon away.

"I don't believe that I have ever had a drink before noon before."

"Liberating."

"Yes, but I hope you don't do it very often."

He shook his had and smiled at her, "Last year did a number on me. I only drink on special occasions now."

Lily couldn't help but tease him. "My misfortunes are a special occasion?"

"Me being able to cheer you up is one."

Her heart began to beat faster. She shifted the bottle she had in her had around and tried to hide the blush that was rising from her chest upwards.

James had become a completely new person, one that she wanted to be around. Someone that she believed, after much thought, that she could fall in love with. Someone, in fact, that she had fallen in love with.

Between the booze and warm sunshine and his smile she found her lips on his. She didn't know who initiated or how long it had been going on for but she was couldn't have felt better.

After the first kiss came a few more. Then a few more as they made it back to the castle. A few more as the found their way through the dungeon halls. One big one when they heard a voice coming their way. And a chain of kisses when they were found in the potions class room, half drunk and on top of the tables. There had been no kisses when they were assigned detention for skipping class and drinking on school property. There had been no kisses when they begun to clean the room. And there were definitely no kisses when Lily Evans found herself cursing the day she fell in love with James Potter.

He had done nothing wrong, nothing that she hadn't done herself, but her year would no longer be the peaceful year she had hoped for. Instead it would be another year were her thoughts would be surrounded by James Potter. This time it wouldn't be about his teasing as it had been the first three years, or about the fighting matches they got in for the two years after that, or about how he ignored her last year, but it would be about him again. It would be about his smile, his humor, his messy hair and the way he made her feel. She had given six years of thought to James Potter and she was about to give many many more to him if she didn't quell these feelings now.

And here she was with him. Though, now that she thought about it, she was surprised Professor Slughorn had let them serve detention together when he had found them together. But, however this arrangement had happened, she couldn't stop the tears from coming, again.

She was ashamed at her conduct, she was ashamed of being caught, but she was most ashamed with the way that she wanted to push James away so badly. He had turned into a good man and now she was unable to stop her fears of him finding her unsatisfactory swirling in her mind. He was kind and unapologetically honest, parts of him that had not always been there but had grown with him. And Lily, after all these years, felt as though she was still the stubborn child she had always been.

She was never willing to be candid with James for so many reasons. There were the memories that she still held onto of the old James, the James she wouldn't have told anything to, and there were also the fears about how he would react to her feelings after so many years of rejecting him. Lily had little faith in what would happen once the truth was out. Today however, gave confidence.

Lily wanted to keep working to busy her mind but she knew she had to confront herself, and James, about the way she felt.

Lily decided that she would take a lesson from James and be completely honest for both their sakes. She stood and turned to him. James watched as she brushed her tears away and took a deep breath in.

"I'm not mad at you James, I'm mad at me."

James said nothing but his eyes furrowed in confusion.

"I haven't been honest with you. And though you might have guessed it, not that today's events weren't enough proof," her face became beet red, "I have feelings for you."

She looked up at him to see his reaction. She had been expecting to be able to explain herself, or that he would say something next, but he only dropped the container that he retrieved from the shelf. He then was next to her in a second and placed his hands on either side of her face. He bent slowly down and Lily thought that he was going to kiss her but he only rested his forehead on hers.

His presence was calming and Lily relaxed after her initial shock.

He took a deep breath, "I'm so sorry, Lily. I didn't think that this would happen."

"Don't apologize, I enjoyed myself today."

He opened his eyes and leaned back slightly to get a better look at her. His smile oozed with cocky pride. She hit his arm lightly and was about to deny the enjoyment she had from kissing him but she remembered her attempt to be completely honest.

She rolled her eyes, "Yes, I enjoyed all of today."

His smile widened and then turned into a caring look.

"I don't care that I skipped class with you, or that we drank in the morning, or even that we kissed." She took a deep breath, "I care that I might not know what to do about you."

A quizzical looked flashed over his face for only a second before he placed his head back onto hers.

"Lily, we have all year to figure out what we are doing. We have all of our lives. Just know I have loved you since the first time I saw you and I'll wait for you to make up your mind about me."

Tears again fell from her eyes.

"What is with all the tears lately?"

Lily let out a strangled laugh.

"Hormones I'm sure."

James let out a bark laugh and quickly kissed her.

"I'm sure."


End file.
